By Ben Pensant

As Western liberals are once again forced to deal with a democratic result they don’t like, a lot of time has been spent analysing why people voted for Donald Trump. Much soul-searching has been employed trying to understand where Hillary went wrong and what her party need to do to ensure they are never again beaten by a grown man who slags off beauty queens on Twitter at 3am. But all this talk of ‘demographics’, ‘the establishment’ and ‘neglecting the very people whose support you need to win elections’ obscures the truth: everyone who voted for Trump is a racist misogynist and no amount of handwringing, apologism or demonstrable evidence to the contrary will change that.

Because moral superiority is all that matters to regressives and if that means being as intolerant as the people we castigate for being intolerant then so be it. We may perform mental gymnastics to explain why Islamic extremists kill people but we’ve got no interest in working out why millions of Americans voted differently to us. Because everyone knows Islamic extremists kill people because we provoke them, throw gays off roofs because we marginalise them, and enforce Sharia Law because the Zionists doctored every copy of the Qur’an after 9/11 to make it look like Allah wants his followers to kill Jews, subjugate women and purge the world of unbelievers.

Trump supporters, on the other hand, are all rednecks.

Even the blacks, even the Hispanics, even the Muslim immigrants who’ve experienced the horror of Islamism and consequently didn’t fancy voting for a supposedly liberal party who dismiss religiously motivated massacres as ‘workplace violence’. We must do everything in our power to shame these Uncle Toms back into their cabins.

Thankfully, the left have reacted to the election in the level-headed manner we’ve come to expect; by crying, rioting and campaigning to overturn the result. And social media was at the forefront, with everyone from rich liberal musicians to rich liberal actors expressing their disgust that people less rich and liberal than them voted differently.

‘What I’ve learnt so far: America is waaay more sexist than it is racist. And it’s pretty fucking racist’ Tweeted pint-sized funnyman Patton Oswalt. Presumably his ‘America’ doesn’t include rich liberal comedians off the telly who are waaay more intelligent than Trump voters. And they are so intelligent that despite knowing exactly what ‘America’ thinks they are blisfully unaware it takes more than racism to win swing states like Pennsylvania and Florida. Or Democrat strongholds like Michigan and Wisconsin. Indeed, as rich liberal copper-top Rose McGowan told the Twittersphere – it takes sexism too.

‘The hatred for women is so deep, so real. It must be dealt with immediately. It must be excised. Fuck off misogynists’ raged the former A-lister, aiming her anger at both the pussy-grabber and everyone who overlooked his misogyny by voting for him. Because even the most blind right-wing troll can see that all the sexual assault allegations against Trump are true. In fact they’re every bit as true as the allegations against Hillary – that she threatened women who accused her husband of sexual assault – are false. Because the possibilty that both sets of women could be lying, telling the truth or a mixture of both simply can not be entertained.

No, every claim against Trump is true and every one against Hillary is a smear. Forget this and it becomes harder to assert that voting for Trump meant overlooking his misogyny. Because as sure as night follows day some bright spark will suggest by the same token voting for Hillary meant overlooking her husband’s misogyny (and her enabling of it). Fear not though. If this happens simply accuse the troll of being a racist misogynist – a trick that’s been working a treat for Egyptian writer Mona Eltawahy for over a week. Because since last Tuesday she’s taken Twitter by storm with her hatred of Trump supporters, displaying all the calmness of a drunken Milo Yiannopoulos with his head stuck in a feminist’s letterbox.

After a day of calling all Trump voters ‘fascists’ and admitting she hated every one of them she responded to a Tweet enquiring how she knows so much about 50 million people she’s never met with a curt ‘Because I’m brilliant. Don’t hate’. Which neither answered the question nor backed up her hypothesis but it did utilise the classic regressive left manoeuvre of being massively intolerant then when someone pulls you for it imply they’re the one being massively intolerant.

She also brilliantly played the ‘complicity’ card, stating anyone who doesn’t share Trump’s bigotry but still voted for him inadvertently endorsed that bigotry. Of course, by that logic peaceful followers of Islam – such as Mona – are complicit in all the misogyny, homophobia and, erm, murder carried out in the name of their faith. No-one put this conundrum to her but judging by the calm, considered, expletive-strewn responses she gave to similar questions I imagine her reaction would be akin to asking Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi what he thinks of the new Ari Gold album.

Because the one silver lining of Trump’s victory, like Brexit, is the way it’s enabled progressives to throw off the shackles of liberalism and be every bit as divisive as the people we castigate for being divisive. Simple yet effective and it’s been working a charm for everyone from Mona to Lena Dunham for years.

Speaking of the Girls star, she offered the most sobering election night analysis yet in a heart-breaking essay worthy of its own tribute (which is why I wrote one, coming soon). Needless to say, it featured lots of tears and confirmed once and for all Lena’s brand of feminism is less concerned with freedom and equality than it is with telling stupid women what to think. As well as giving the distinct impression her parents didn’t say ‘no’ to her very often.

But as well as adult children struggling to process events they don’t like, Twitter and Facebook have been awash with gut-wrenching anecdotes about actual children terrified of Trump’s America. And as ever, it’s the kids of middle-class liberals who are suffering the most.

Take this heartbreaking Tweet from professional Sharia apologist Reza Aslan: ‘Me to my 5 yr old: The bad guys won this time. Him: What do we do? Me: Not sure. Him: We beat bad guys w/love so they become good guys! Me: (crying emoji)’. It’s hard to imagine how Reza found the strength to explain to his child that while he might dislike Trump he won a democratic election and we should analyse why people voted for him rather than calling them all racists. Luckily, in subsequent Tweets it became apparent Aslan had swerved that conversation altogether:

‘It’s pretty simple. You either voted for Trump because he’s a bigot and you agreed, or you voted for Trump despite it because you don’t care’. Cleverly ignoring the many Trump voters who don’t actually think he’s a bigot, Aslan did what the left have been doing all year and decided millions of people he’s never met are racists. A risky move for someone who has spent his career lying and defending a bigoted religion but I look forward to Aslan dapting this new approach the next time he appears on TV spouting misinformation about places like Indonesia being bastions of liberal values: ‘It’s pretty simple’ intoned Aslan to Trevor Noah. ‘You either defend Islam because it’s bigoted and you agree or you defend Islam despite it because you don’t care’.

But this was just one of many perceptive insights from hyper-intelligent children who, like Lena Dunham, are horrified at the prospect of their life changing ever so slightly now Trump is President. Still, if his presidency does trigger a nationwide recession, there is clearly a whole generation of precocious children just itching to graduate from Harvard and take the sentimental greeting card industry by storm.

I just wish my Labour-voting parents had encouraged me to be open about the political pain I experienced as a child instead of cruelly saying ‘tough’ and getting on with it. I’m sure I’d have become a more balanced adult if they had eased the trauma of Thatcher winning three elections by keeping me off school to attend counselling sessions while they cried, started riots and set fire to bins.

But an even more disturbing effect has been the massive surge in Trump-inspired assaults, proving American liberals have just as much trouble differentiating between reports of hate crimes and actual hate crimes as their British cousins. Indeed, much like Brexit – where everything from robberies to homophobic attacks were cited as proof of the hatred unleashed by leaving the EU – the primary evidence for this Trump-inspired spike seems to be an avalanche of unverified anecdotes on social media.

Indeed, it shows how disturbed the victims are that in many cases their first reaction to being told to ‘go back to Mexico’ or having their hijabs ripped off in public was not to film and report the incident but to go home and write posts about it on Facebook. Thanks to Trump, in a few short days people who usually jump at the chance to report any man who calls them ‘sweetheart’ or upload a video of someone ‘manspreading’ on the bus have become curiously reluctant to share video evidence or inform the authorities. Even the police themselves have noticed, responding to several hate crime reports on social media by pointing out that the police departments in the areas where these crimes took place have heard sweet fuck-all about them.

But they would say that. Because one day after the election Trump already had the cops doing his dirty work. Look at the reaction to the shocking story of a Lafayette student interviewed by police after claiming she’d been assaulted and robbed by Trump supporters. Days after her story was circulated on social media by people who desperately wanted it to be true, Trump’s emboldened bully boys decided not to pursue the case, no doubt due to Islamophobia, white supremacy and the fact that the girl in question confessed to fabricating the entire story. But surely a tolerant society should respect this young lady’s choice to identify as someone who’s been assaulted by Trump supporters? Not any more.

Still, despite question marks over whether these scare stories actually happened – and the alarming lack of evidence – it was heartening to see them liked and forwarded all over Twitter without question. For every genuine case – photos of shops and bathrooms vandalised with swastikas, the video of a man attacking an anti-Trump protester at Ohio Uni, footage of teenagers at a school in Michigan chanting ‘build the wall!’ – there has been an avalanche of unverified anecdotes on Twitter, accepted and disseminated as empirical evidence of the chaos democracy has unleashed upon the US.

Funnily enough, those gravely condemning the wave of violence seem unconcerned with actual, confirmed incidents of Trump supporters being attacked. Indeed, a day after the Lafayette student was revealed as a liar her story was still being gleefully forwarded by liberals on Twitter. Far more gleefully than the video of a Trump supporter being violently assaulted by three men in a Chicago parking lot, the footage of a California Trump-voting college student being pushed to the floor and kicked, the story of the 11 year old from Texas on crutches after being beaten up for voting Trump in a mock election, or the hilarious film depicting a homeless black woman abused and thrown to the ground for holding a sign in support of Trump on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. ‘You spewed hate and you got hate’ a decent liberal tells her as the mob rip up the self-hating whore’s signs and loot her shopping trolley. ‘You got exactly what you were dishing out. I warned you’ he intones, demonstrating the new thirst for retribution the modern left have adopted with gusto.

Which is as it should  be. Because admitting there are violent ‘deplorables’ on both sides muddies the narrative that the left are more virtuous than the right. So incidents like those listed are ignored by the mainstream left, along with gunplay at protests, graffiti stating ‘DIE WHITES DIE!’ and placards suggesting Melania Trump should be raped.

Thankfully there are brave liberals in the media – Shaun King, Rae Paoletta, the ubiquitous Mona Eltawahy – who’ve taken the brave step of documenting the genuinely appalling hate crimes (ie the ones committed by Trump supporters) which may or may not have happened. And when I asked these tolerant pacifists if they were also concerned with the assaults on Trump voters they did themselves proud by completely ignoring the question.

In the mean time, let’s hope we learn more about the 8 transgender folk who, according to Guardian contributor Zach Strafford, committed suicide because of the election. Details are sketchy, which is understandable as there is not one shred of evidence whatsoever that these deaths a) had anything to do with Trump, or b) happened at all. Indeed, Strafford himself hastily deleted his original Tweet for fear of ‘suicide contagion’, a noble yet pointless move considering it had already been re-tweeted 13,000 times. Still, fingers crossed none of the imaginary dead are Trump voters otherwise Strafford and the hate-crime alarmism lobby will have to re-set the fictional death toll to 7.

Speaking of The Guardian, its roster of privately educated hacks reacted to the election result in their usual manner, by writing about white privilege. Which is particularly apt coming from a paper whose staff couldn’t be more white and privileged if they turned up to editorial meetings wearing their Oxford graduation robes and Grampappy’s old pith helmet.

Polly Toynbee, still smarting from the EU referendum, spoke of xenophobia and demagoguery, comparing the newly fascist America to post-Brexit Britain and its Labour-held seats where ‘white supremacism won the day’. Which of course was news to the people living in these communities who are neither white nor supremacists and don’t live in daily fear of being lynched by the Aryan Brotherhood. But these uneducated fools can’t be expected to know as much about the places they’ve lived all their lives as an Oxford drop-out who lives in Sussex, has homes all over Europe and sent her kids to private school despite telling other people they shouldn’t.

Conversely, Owen Jones took the route of blaming Hillary Clinton, castigating her party for putting forward ‘a monumentally unpopular Democrat’. Something Owen is familiar with having campaigned on behalf of and twice voted for a Labour leader who’s about as popular as the Zika virus.

Since the result he’s been in even more bullish mood, warning that due to Trump’s victory ‘every racist, woman-hater, homophobe and right-wing authoritarian feels vindicated’, before going on to list the reasons for Trump’s victory. Which he narrowed down to racism, misogyny and ‘centrism’, none of which explained why people who previously voted for Obama decided to go for this racist, woman-hating, homophobic, right-wing authoritarian.

But Owen isn’t interested in answers. It’s about ideology, silly, hence his next column on Trump was one big call to arms for direct action. Or as Owen put it: ‘Protesters should mobilise in every town and city. Civil disobedience should be employed where necessary’. You could practically hear Owen stuffing flares down his jeans and dusting off his V For Vendetta mask as he typed. Because nothing excites workshy middle-class activists more than the romantic lure of slugging it out with the bizzies.

And should this ‘civil disobedience’ result in violence? So be it – Owen will do what the left always does and blame someone else, just like Bernie Sanders fans did earlier this year after disrupting Trump rallies and assaulting his supporters. Because they would never have entered those rallies if Trump hadn’t have said stuff they didn’t like in the first place. In other words, every brick thrown, every shop looted, every white woman labelled ‘self-hating’ for not listening to rich liberals…it’s all on you, Drumpf.

As Owen said of his beloved left: ‘It clearly cannot compromise in the fight against racism, misogyny and homophobia’ and he is correct, despite the fact that left-wingers like him who make excuses for Islam have been compromising in the fight against racism, misogyny and homophobia for fucking years. But it appears Owen has his wish as the protests have continued daily, the left-wing media helping to downplay the violence and criminal damage by only mentioning the bits they can blame on Trump supporters.

Of course, Owen doesn’t intend to jump on a plane and join in with the civil disobedience as he’s probably been pre-booked to appear at an anti-fracking demo in Rochdale or somewhere. But it’s good to know he wholeheartedly approves of Democrat-run cities and states being destroyed in the name of peace.

And what fun the snowflakes have had having doing it. Much of their ire has been directed towards the Electoral College, an imperfect system which has existed for 229 years yet passed by many liberals and millennials who’ve only just learnt about it and are awfully cross.

Even roly poly polemicist Michael Moore appeared shocked at the effect this flawed yet accepted system can have when it works in favour of a candidate you don’t like. So much so that he joined the Manhattan protest urging Trump to resign because he lost the popular vote. Honourable intentions indeed, and I’m sure Moore and the other Democrats currently whining about the EC kept their objections quiet for the previous 8 years because the Prez had enough on his plate trying to introduce Obamacare and avoid calling Islamic extremism Islamic extremism. See what liberals are willing to sacrifice for the greater good?

Having predicted a Trump victory in July, Moore has been downplaying his Nostradamus-esque qualities of late. With good reason too, as he appeared on Channel 4 News on election night and stated confidently Hillary would win. Still, let’s not be too kind to Moore as along with John Stewart he’s one of the few high-profile leftists to state not all Trump voters are racist and point out that many voted for him because he was the only candidate to address the loss of jobs and industries and pledge to do something about it. So that’s you off the team, chunky.

Yet still the media are determined to pin this defeat on Hillary, the Democrats and even the left as a whole, as if it was our fault that moronic Americans needed a better incentive to vote the right way than Beyonce’s approval or Katy Perry’s tits. Disgracefully, the BBC were pushing this narrative before the votes were even counted, with Andrew Neil, Katty Kay and Emily Maitliss discussing Trump and Clinton with a wide range of analysts offering different theories as to why people chose the candidate they did. All of which were redundant as we all know why: because Hillary voters are good people and Trump voters are cunts. Simples.

Katty and co waffled on about Trump’s talk of bringing back jobs and industries to blue collar areas, ridiculously surmising this might have appealed to people who’ve lost their livelihoods and watched their communities crippled by the economy.

They sugar-coated his racism and misogyny by limply claiming many voters disliked Trump and found some of his views unpalatable but were willing to give him a chance because he addressed working-class concerns the Democrats had categorically ignored.

They obfuscated by citing mistrust of Clinton as a factor in her losing votes to Trump – and winning considerably less than Obama – pathetically trying to claim that lifelong Democrats had voted for Trump yet providing not one shred of evidence other than hearsay, rumour and the fact that he gained swing states and Democrat strongholds from them.

But most shamefully, they had the nerve to wheel out dozens of intelligent voters calmly explaining who they intended to vote for and the reasons why, none of which included Trump’s hate for Mexicans or Clinton’s lack of a penis.

Well, half of them did. It was pretty clear the 50% in the Trump corner were CIA stooges, planted to give the impression not all Trump voters are raving Nazis with feet for hands. This was blatantly obvious as they all appeared to know how to read, none of them wore Klan hoods and at no point did they attempt to grab Emily’s pussy. You fooled no-one, Brillo.

Still, the BBC are welcome to their smears. For now us liberals have to buckle up and continue to cry, start riots and make huge generalisations about millions of people we neither know nor understand.

But it’s vital British progressives apply the same intolerant logic of the American left to our own deplorables, otherwise known as Brexit voters, Tories, ex-Muslims, liberal Muslims, peaceful Muslims, Ahmadiyah Muslims and in fact the vast majority of Muslims who disappoint us daily by not joining in with the global jihad. Now more than ever they need to rise up and disprove Trump’s racist rhetoric, ideally by killing a soldier or blowing up a train. Otherwise, what’s the point? You might as well be bloody Jews.

And we also need to hold our own Neo Nazi government to account, starting with vile warmonger Theresa May. Luckily, The Mirror’s Corbynite Associate Editor Kevin Maguire set the ball rolling, attacking Mrs May for her ‘mealy mouthed’ words of congratulation to Donald Trump. Proving as far as principled liberals are concerned, diplomatic language is only acceptable when used by bearded opposition leaders to address theocrats, terrorists and anti-Semitic extremists.

But at this bleak time our thoughts should be with Hillary Clinton – robbed of victory, broken and pathetic, with only a few million crumbs from her Goldman Sachs speech fund to tide her over ’til pension day. I send this message to you, brave lady, but with a caveat: please tell your fanny-rat hubby to watch his mouth when he’s talking about Dear Leader Corbyn. The last thing you need is the Momentum boys fucking up your shit.

‘Man off the street’ my arse.