By Ben Pensant

One thing guaranteed to excite middle-class liberals is poor people dying. From working-class scousers crushed to death to Syrian refugees drowned at sea, nothing unites us like the suffering of the less fortunate, less educated, less deserving of a place on the spaceship in 2012 that rescues the VIPs from being eaten by climate change.

Because the lower order’s woes are our bread and butter. And none more so than now, with Prime Minister Corbyn so utterly defined by victimhood he can’t take a crap without blaming the celery-salted quail’s eggs he ate at Bellanger for emboldening his bowels.

With this in mind, it was with anger, sadness and disappointment we learnt that the Grenfell Tower death toll had reached 79. Angry it was allowed to happen, sad at the loss of life and disappointed that Theresa May was still 170+ corpses away from usurping Harold Shipman as Britain’s worst mass murderer.

Still, that figure will surely rise now the sinister plot to downplay the fatalities by not confirming people as dead until their bodies are found has been exposed by pop princess-turned crime-scene specialist Lily Allen. Which gives us plenty to dine on until President Jezza’s painstaking investigation reveals the shocking mistakes and fatal oversights from various levels of council and government are less to blame than The Daily Mail writing nasty things about health and safety regulations.

Until then we’ll use the golden opportunity presented by people burning to death to focus on the real villains – Tories. Because the more we characterise Theresa May as uniquely responsible for the fire the more our actual Prime Minister emerges as the polar opposite; a symbol of bearded purity. And it will surely comfort the bereaved to know that their loved ones died so middle-class Marxists could wave placards and attack cameramen.

Predictably, Tory trolls have accused us of exploiting the tragedy, ignoring how our desire to stick up for the poor shows how tolerant and forgiving we are. Because what our critics forget is that the council-estate dwellers we’re showing solidarity with – uneducated, denim-clad, addicted to pasties – are the same people we’ve spent the last year calling bigoted morons for voting Leave. It’s a measure of our decency that we’re willing to overlook their racism and stupidity to sympathise with them now the chickens have come home to roost.

We’ve also been known to characterise the type of people who live in tower blocks as prone to becoming hijab-burning hate criminals after reading Tweets by Katie Hopkins. Because these poor souls couldn’t possibly be bright enough to take what’s printed in The Sun with a pinch of salt or have the humanity to walk past foreigners on the streets without attacking them.

We’ve forgiven them because they don’t know any better; the same low standard which informs our view of the civil unrest about to erupt. Because if the proles can’t be trusted to look at a billboard without chinning an immigrant how can we expect them to react to their friends and families needlessly dying without smashing windows and stealing tellies?

And when that happens, we’ll know who to blame. As one Twitter observer opined, it’s thanks to May’s half-hearted Grenfell visit that the locals are ‘on the verge of rioting’. Because all it takes for these savages to start setting fire to bins is not getting a hug from a politician. And as we socialists are incapable of functioning without re-assurance from the state we assume everyone else is too. Despite the fact that the working-class have managed for centuries without politicians putting an arm around them and telling them everything will be fine as long as we all hold hands and vote Labour.

Not that the residents will be on the frontline; those of us donning masks and leading the protests will be cut from a more sophisticated cloth. Because rather than being provoked into thuggery, we choose to storm council offices and throw fire extinguishers at ambulances. There’s nuance to our direct action that the proles, bless ’em, just don’t understand. Hence their innate desire to lash out at immigrants rather than directing their violence at more deserving targets like Tories or Jews.

Luckily, most of the Grenfell residents were from ethnic minorities. Perfect. Because as we know, Muslims and black people – like the white working-class but less racist and far-better dressed – are incapable of dealing with adversity without detonating bombs or murdering policemen. Which is why we’ll welcome their presence during the coming civil unrest, not least because we’re less likely to get nicked and have to call daddy’s QC if there are plenty of brown faces around. But it’ll be refreshing to see Muslims, blacks and uneducated whites putting their natural proclivity for violence to good use, and if they take the heat off us then even better.

Because as the successful 2011 riots proved, civil disobedience is a vital tool in the fight against fascism, just as long as the people doing it are left-wing. And you don’t get more left-wing than the Grenfell Tower residents, curiously outnumbered at Friday night’s protests by privileged SWP activists selflessly taking time out from eating kale and milking arts funding to vent their anger by chanting outside the BBC.

What role the Beeb played in installing substandard cladding to tower blocks is unclear, as is how they have ‘blad, blad, blad!’ on their hands. Luckily, none of the cut-glass-accented youthful protesters knew either, which will make life easier for them in five years time when they all start working there.

But for now this is about one group and one group alone. That’s right – the Labour Party, particularly our new Prime Minister, the ultimate statesman, illustrated by the camera crew who appear to be following him 24/7 just in case he comes across a grieving mother in need of a cuddle.

(I’ve no idea if they film him when he goes for a piss but if anyone from Labour HQ is reading I’m more than willing to step in should anyone feel uncomfortable pointing a camera at the most powerful man in Britain with his cock out. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I’ll even shake him off for a fiver. It’s no problem. I’d film him crapping if he asked. I used to be a vegan so I’m cool with the smell. I kind of like it, actually. So yeah. Give me a call. Please)

Because this is Jezza’s moment and while death is always welcome if we can blame it on the Tories, the timing of this is particularly sweet with Mrs May squatting at Number Ten and refusing to let the man who beat her take his rightful place on the iron throne.

Hence the rapid proliferation of hard-left ideas emerging from the mainstream, with the Grenfell dead a convenient hook on which to hang our proudly illiberal values. So within days we had Jezza calling for empty homes to be requisitioned by the government, a suggestion backed with gusto by a variety of Corbyn groupies including pint-sized polemicist Abi Wilkinson and roly-poly anti-democrat David Lammy.

The latter has been omnipresent since the tragedy, voicing his approval of Jezza’s plan to seize private property and making a heart-rending appearance on Channel 4 News in which he perfected the trick of crying his eyes out without producing any tears. It got me right there – like heartburn – and made a mockery of the Kirk Lazarus axiom ‘never go full retard’.

He wisely avoided discussing whether second homes of Labour MPs would be subject to the same communist measures. Which was understandable as this could evoke memories of Lammy’s infamous extra residence, deemed necessary to take the edge off the punishing half-hour daily commute to Westminster he’d been previously forced to make.

In a move that brilliantly exemplified the modern left-wing belief that ideology trumps action, none of the Labour MPs suggesting we scrap the fundamental right to do as we please with our property offered up their own. Nor did political heavyweights Lily Allen, Gary Lineker or JK Rowling, presumably because their various mansions and penthouses are ram-packed with all those refugees they took in.

Abi also backed requisitions, unsurprising for a young lady vehemently opposed to people bequeathing their homes and savings to their children when they die, preferring a system where inheritance is handed back to the state as a generous goodbye present on top of all the tax we’ve already given them.

Indeed, for someone who hates the government Abi is remarkably keen on handing them other people’s stuff. Which she brushed off on Twitter with the classic regressive trick of accusing her opponents of being something they’re not. ‘Racist’, ‘Nazi’ and ‘child-killing Zio’ are the current straw-men du jour, though Abi cleverly sidestepped those and opted for ‘Tory’. Because obviously anyone who has the gall to object to the government stealing private property without asking must vote Conservative.

But as well as gleefully pushing to abolish basic human rights, we also had to uphold the popular narrative that Theresa May personally installed the flammable cladding and fitted the dodgy fridge that started the fire in the first place. Which was just enough to justify Brother McDonnell’s calls for direct action, calls he’s now pretending he never made by preaching ‘peace’ and making nonsensical comments about Gandhi. And the best example came from rising Labour star Clive Lewis who electrified Twitter with four simple words: ‘Burn neo-liberalism. Not people’. Brave stuff from a career politician and former infantry officer who has benefited greatly from neo-liberalism.

Predictably, right-wing trolls dived straight in until Clive rightly pointed out that, as an ideology, neo-liberalism is fair game for criticism and immolation. Whether this means he would also be fine with someone saying ‘burn Islam’ is unclear, as he wisely avoided replying to the people who asked him that very question.

But the difference is obvious: one ideology is a peaceful religion; the other needs burning. Just as the government needs to be ‘removed’ and millions need to ‘take to the streets’, these calls to arms have emanated from all corners of the left, inspiring hordes of desperate folk who refuse to let their desperation get in the way of buying iPhones and designer cardigans.

With all this insurrection in the air, it’s telling that brave liberals like Owen Jones – usually so quick to accuse people he of ‘incitement’ – have failed to condemn them. Indeed, despite spending the last week ranting about the far-right he’s never once commented on the far-right rally that took place in London on Sunday. I can only assume he was all marched-out after his anti-government protest on Saturday. It couldn’t possibly be because the annual Kill The Jews day has been known to feature a certain bearded socialist from Islington and to condemn it would mean drawing attention to the fact that the he’s happy to support anti-Semites and address crowds filled with Hezbollah flags if it means sticking it to the evil West.

There was also a speech by a charming gentleman from the Islamic Human Rights Commission who blamed the Grenfell Tower fire on Zionism. Inflammatory? Perhaps. But when you notice how few Jews died in the fire you can’t deny he’s got a point.

Which is why we need the SWP et al to unite with Corbyn to take ownership of this disaster. Because it wasn’t just Theresa May who caused it; it was everyone who had the nerve to selfishly vote against the left-wing vision that Corbyn’s government will make reality. And the fact that privately-educated class-warriors with zero affinity for either the founding principles of the Labour Party or the residents of Grenfell Tower have hijacked both for their own ends is a beautiful bonus.

Luckily, modern Labour is now perfectly in sync with the bedsit militants and rape apologists of the hard-left. And when even moderate voices are getting onboard you just know this heartbreaking period will turn out quite nicely for Jezza.

To conclude I’ll leave you with the words of one such moderate voice, respected economist Paul Lewis, whose poignant plea to leave the charred tower standing movingly crystallised the left’s weaponization of Grenfell: ‘Not a war grave but a class war grave. A monument to hubris, profit and stupidity’.

Hear, hear. Because nothing rams home a point about negligent health and safety standards better than forcing an entire community to live in constant fear of a dangerously unstable 200 ft tomb collapsing on them.

Which is a small price to pay for a constant ghoulish reminder that people like Paul wont have to look at. Unlike the poor sods on the Lancaster West Estate who would rather their skyline wasn’t dominated by a gargantuan black monolith.

Thank fuck it’s not about them.