#MeMe (Part Two): Land Of Valenti

Jessica, Emily and friends enjoy an afternoon SlutWalk


By Ben Pensant

Every heard a vision of the future so perfect you can taste it? It could be the socialist paradise depicted in George Cornell’s life-affirming 1974. It might be a world where Stop Funding Hate have banned every newspaper except The New European. Or maybe it’s the society imagined by Abi Williamson, where inheriting a house from a relative is outlawed because all property is theft you fucking fascist. All admirable pipe dreams but sadly, due to MSM brainwashing there is little public support for progressive ideas like silencing the press, forcing traitors to eat rats, and seizing dead pensioners’ homes.

Fortunately, there are encouraging signs that this may not always be the case. Take feminist fun-sponge Jessica Valenti, who has spent years taking the kind of rank misandry once confined to dingy bedsit book clubs and re-branding it for a mainstream audience desperate to view all men as collectively responsible for everything from rape, harassment and sexual assault to war, famine and the annoying way those new tenners stick together in your purse.

She achieved this by burning the pages of The Guardian with increasingly self-righteous musings on her three favourite pastimes: hating men, fearing men, and punishing men. In fact, the only people Jess has less respect for than men are women, especially dumb, uneducated ones: a constant source of disappointment due to their irritating habit of not doing what middle-class Rutgers graduates tell them to.

This is the feminist, remember, who believes women have so little agency they can’t even decide for themselves whether or not they enjoy being wolf-whistled at. And if they do – like Jess, who famously confessed to missing the fact that men didn’t do it to her anymore – then it’s all society’s fault for making them feel that way.

Yes, Jess has such a high opinion of women she thinks that due to patriarchal brainwashing they’re incapable of forming their own opinions about lairy builders admiring their tits and shouting ‘wahey!’. And with the recent revelations that middle-class women working in middle-class environments have not only experienced harassment and assault but in some case had their knees touched, Jessica has been on a roll, unleashing one call-to-arms after another.

And so it was earlier this month when Jess took to Twitter to comment on the prospect of innocent men being caught up in the sex panic frenzy: ‘I keep hearing that men are afraid about the sexual harassment reckoning, scared that innocent people (them) will get implicated’. I can’t have been the only liberal momentarily petrified she was about to throw her principles under the bus a’la Lena Dunham and make a sensible comment about the dangers of false allegations. Luckily, her follow-up dispelled that fear immediately:

‘Women are afraid, for good reason, every day. So I don’t care even a little if men are feeling uncomfortable or scared right now’. See, ever the equal-opportunities bigot, Jess doesn’t just want harassers and rapists shitting bricks but men who’ve done nothing wrong too. ‘Part of the problem is for too long men haven’t been afraid enough’. Indeed. Because there’s nothing more entitled than believing just because you’ve never raped anyone you’re safe from having your career ruined or going to jail.

‘Better men are afraid than women are hurt. Deal with it’ she instructed, wisely neglecting to specify exactly how afraid she wants men to be. But whether we’re talking Michael Le Vell/William Roache fear-levels or full-blown Mahad Cassim/Wilbert Jones, the point was clear. Quite how men living in fear will stop actual harassers and rapists from harassing and raping was slightly less clear but frankly who cares? Stopping sexual assault is the last thing Jess wants: without it there would be less opportunity for her to revel in the unadulterated joy of watching innocent people suffer. And who wants to live in a world like that?

Indeed, one future implication of the global sex-crime panic will be the inevitable day when bosses start hiring less women to avoid facing lawsuits every time a sexist pig micro-aggressively asks a female colleague if she wants a cup of tea. In turn this will contribute to the increasingly mythical gender pay-gap, gifting Jess plenty to whine for at least another decade. Perfect.

For now, Jess signed off on a note of empowerment, crafting a motto which every self-respecting feminist should have tattooed on their inner thigh: ‘In short: Make Men Afraid Again’. Wow. I bet right-wingers are gutted Jess was born in the ’70s – she’d have made a shit-hot McCarthyite.

And judging by that simple but devastating slogan her marketing skills aren’t too shabby either. Frankly I’m surprised she hasn’t been hired to work on PM Corbyn’s next election campaign. Can you imagine the magic could be conjured up by pairing her with the geniuses behind ‘Jez We Can’ and ‘For The Many Not The Few’? Sign her up, Seumas.

Luckily Ms Valenti’s a pro, which means she’s careful not to fall into the trap of saying ALL men are sexual predators. Indeed, on Tuesday she published a Guardian piece warning against such a characterisation, stating that ‘while the vast majority of rapists and abusers are men, they are an extremely small percentage of the male population’. This, of course, is completely at odds with the bolshy tweet she sent a fortnight earlier: ‘Yes we know #NotAllMen. But wow, does it feel like most of them’. I can only assume that a boatload of rapists died over the last few weeks to bring down the total. It couldn’t possibly be another example of Jess’s charming cognitive dissonance, the very lifeblood of the modern feminist movement.

Thankfully contemporary progressives are happy to ignore such glaring inconsistencies  because well, ignoring stuff is ‘woke’. And some, such as writer Emily Lindin, have taken Jess’s baton and gone one step further. Because Em doesn’t just want innocent men to be scared – she’s happy for them to be put out of work too:

‘Here’s an unpopular opinion: I’m actually not at all concerned about innocent men losing their jobs over false sexual assault/harassment allegations’. Slam-dunk! Predictably, she was besieged by misogynist trolls, blissfully unaware that the only part of her tweet worth attacking was the fact that this opinion is unpopular.

Like Jess, Em isn’t some fringe radical who spends her days knitting Trump voodoo dolls and sending death threats to Ella Whelan but an actual grown up: a blue-tick verified filmmaker and journalist with over 20,000 followers. Which makes it even more impressive watching her sneak her defiantly militant brand of entitlement into the mainstream. Indeed, to bang on about privilege while simultaneously being so privileged you couldn’t care less if someone loses their job for something they didn’t do takes extraordinary guts, as Em proved when she refused to back down:

‘If an innocent man’s reputation has to take a hit in the process of undoing the patriarchy, that is a price I am absolutely willing to pay’ she selflessly opined, cleverly ignoring the fact that it wouldn’t actually be her paying the price but the poor bastard who ends up unemployed because of something he didn’t do. Still, like Jess, her bigotry is consistently even-handed, hence her lack of concern for the effect firing innocent men might have on their wives, daughters, mothers and sisters.

Needless to say, Em was forced to close her account due to the torrent of abuse she received from sexist men and self-hating women too deplorable to absorb the subtleties of her argument. When she eventually reactivated her Twitter she took the wise step of slamming the idiots who misinterpreted ‘I’m not at all concerned about innocent men losing their jobs over false sexual assault/harassment allegations’ as meaning she wasn’t concerned about innocent men losing their jobs over sexual assault/harassment allegations. Alas, she was wasting her time attempting to educate these fools in the art of ‘nuance’ but the whole episode did give her victimhood a healthy boost which is infinitely more satisfying.

Thankfully, sandwiched between Jess and Em’s brave comments was the heart-warming story of Carl Sergeant, the Labour MP who committed suicide after being accused of an unspecified crime relating to the ‘pestminster’ investigations. Having been suspended from his position and the Labour Party because of accusations that the police deemed unworthy of investigation, Sargeant did the decent thing and killed himself, sparing his victim the pain of re-living the nightmare he put her through and more importantly, giving the likes of Jess and Em the comfort of knowing a man was both frightened and had lost his job. Bingo! That he went one better and took his own life made it a triple-whammy jackpot in the war on patriarchy.

We may never know exactly why Sargeant hung himself, or what he was accused of. In fact Sargeant never knew either as nobody bothered to tell him. What we DO know is that the second the police decided the accusations weren’t worth investigating it became the job of social media pitchfork-wielders to ensure the whole sorry affair was brought to its natural conclusion. And with the help of the Welsh Labour Party it most certainly was, though it’s unfortunate that this natural conclusion involved a father of two ending his life: I’d have preferred him to stay alive so we could shame him for the rest of his days. Still, as Em put it ‘…the impact on victims FAR outweighs the loss of any one man’s reputation’. And when the patriarchy is finally dismantled I’m sure Sargeant’s widow and children will be proud of the small but vital role he played.

Not that Jess and Em are okay with innocent men suffering, mind, despite repeatedly saying they’re okay with innocent men suffering. In fact this is literally impossible as there’s no such thing as innocent men. Because even those who’ve never harassed, assaulted or raped anyone are complicit. As Susie Boniface of The Daily  Mirror – AKA Fleet Street Fuckwit – wrote in October: ‘Most of them do not behave like pigs but admire, just a little bit, the men who do’. Like most privileged white males I thought I’d always despised men like Weinstein. It was illuminating to find out I secretly looked up to them (just a little bit).

Thankfully Susie is merely the tip of the iceberg. Because as we speak, misandrists everywhere are bravely exploiting sexual assault victims in order to demonise the 50% of the population incapable of working alongside women without flashing their cocks. Only last week saw the emergence of Kate Morgan, another blue-ticked activist-cum-role model for millennial man-haters, who electrified Twitter with a series of perfectly pitched one-shots culminating in her magnum opus ‘If you have a penis then you probably deserve murdering’. A bold sentiment and one re-tweeted with glee by the same people who would gladly report a man for hate speech if he so much asked them the time.

But despite all this admirable vitriol, the current trend for misandry goes way beyond simply hating blokes and wanting to kill them. There’s a very good reason Jessica, Emily et al are so horrified by the revelation that the film, media and politics worlds are full of rapists and harassers: because these are their worlds, largely occupied by educated, middle-class liberals who sound just like them. Which begs the question, if sexual assault is rife among the elites, what sort of depravity is going on in working-class circles? If educated rich leftists can moonlight as powerful bullies who enjoy wanking off into plant-pots god knows how many of these savages exist in the grim wastelands of Brexit Britain

Because if good people like Charlie Rose and Rupert Myers are getting up to no good it stands to reason the genetically inferior proles are ten times worse. And trust me, the worst excesses of the average provincial misogynist would make even President Pussy-Grab look like a choir boy. Thankfully, since voting to leave the EU the working-class are dead to progressives. We’ve got more important stuff to deal with, like boycotting Paperchase and policing pronouns. The hoi polloi made their nativist bed, they can bloody well sleep in it.

And anyway, who ever heard of a working-class community being blighted by widespread sexual assault? If that was going on Jess and Em would have written something about it by now, silly.

One thought on “#MeMe (Part Two): Land Of Valenti

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s