Carl and Jessica Sitting in a Tree, Where’s The Left-Wing Solidarity?


Beautiful Jessica poses for fans after her triumphant Human Rights Tribunal.

By Ben Pensant.

The modern left love a good fantasist. And fortunately 2019 has been ram-packed with them, melting progressive hearts with their principled activism and severe mental illness. We swooned at Apache brave Nathan Philippe and his belief that banging a drum in a teenager’s face makes the teenager racist. We prayed for Jessie Smollet after his assault at the hands of two Trump supporters disguised as invisible Nigerians. And we wept as James Robson and Wade Safechuck detailed how they were abused by the Paedo of Pop in a train station that hadn’t been built yet.

There’s been plenty of make-believe this side of the pond too, from Boris Johnston’s courageous neighbours deciding it’s in the public interest to know a blonde buffoon rows with his missus, to die-hard Remainer Otto European’s fervent belief that turning your back in protest means you’re a Nazi. And let’s not forget David Lamby whose flights of fancy are so potent he can look at a photo of a Tory hustings and conclude that no women were allowed in, even when there are about ten of them in the picture.

Coupled with the enduring mythology of hate crime spikes, gender pay gaps, and Sean King’s pigmentation, it’s safe to say that if you have an engrossing, fictional, career-destroying story to tell, the left has your back. Or so I thought.

Sadly, it seems prominent left-wing voices have been actively shunning the delusional narcissists they previously pledged support to. Which is why feisty trans activist Jessica Yavin’s story is so shocking, the silence from high-profile champions of gender self-ID so deafening. Because it was their mantra that ‘transwomen are women’ and their insistence that any man can become female simply by saying he is that led to Yaniv demanding women wax her knackers in the first place.

That’s right, Jessica Yavin has testicles but thinks she’s got a fanny. GET OVER IT. Jessica has, her family has, and the schoolgirls she allegedly stalked, bullied, and offered to share ‘kid porn’ with certainly have. The only people struggling with it are the transphobes who refused to touch Jessica’s cock and the army of TERFs smearing this gorgeous lady as an entitled, misogynist sex-pest.

Because Jessica is merely one in a long line of beautiful women cruelly assigned ‘m**e’ at birth by bigoted doctors too consumed with hatred to look beyond the boyish genitalia and see the pretty foo-foo within. No doubt the quacks responsible would claim they made their choice via science, reason, and the human eye, as if a tiddler and two sacks of meat are a better indicator of someone’s gender than an imaginary clout. And who’s to say these negligent bullies were correct anyway? Errors can be made, and as anyone who’s watched enough non-binary porn knows, it’s very easy to mistake a transwoman’s clit for a stubby baby-cock.

Naturally, Jessica has experienced brutal transphobia. So brutal that when she decided to learn how to insert tampons into the minge she doesn’t have, she was left with no option but to impersonate a girl-band manager and hang out in Facebook groups asking children for advice on the best way to shove a sanitary towel up her shitty arsehole.

Jessica was also recently left heartbroken when a topless swimming event for 12-24 year old non-binaries in Toronto was cancelled. Thirtysomething Jessica even applied for permission to attend the event, which had a safe, sensible, and not-at-all sinister ‘no parents or guardians allowed’ rule. Happily, rumours suggest Jessica is currently organising an alternative, to be held in a remote warehouse not unlike the one in Hostel 3, where the lack of nubile flesh will be compensated for by a twenty-strong gang of middle-aged social workers dressed as babies.

But let’s focus on the real reason for Jessica’s new-found fame: her principled campaign to put waxing salons out of business, a plan hatched after she was ostracised by sixteen transphobic waxologists who refused to accept her custom on the grounds that because it looks like she has a cock and balls, she must therefore have a cock and balls. Even worse, having told the ladies upfront that she was a woman with a vagina, they then turned on her after learning she is actually a man with a penis.

“Never mind” you’re probaby thinking. “At least Jessica had plenty of backing, especially from all those gender self-ID proponents in The Guardian and that”. ERR-ERRRR! Shamefully, the pundits and politicians who’ve spent years arguing that a man who says he’s a woman is as much a woman as an actual woman were strangely silent on the thorny subject of Jessica’s bollocks, leaving her to fend off the torrent of abuse alone.

So Jessica received zero solidarity from Lorry Penny, OJ Jones, or Ash Starkers, three people at the forefront of promoting the idea that transwomen are women and anyone who disagrees is a disgusting Nazi who can shove their bigoted hate speech up their loose furburger.

Similarly, new SDP leader Jo Swinton failed to stick up for Jessica, despite being a firm believer in gender self-ID and allowing men to piss, shower, and masturbate wherever they like. Ditto Labour’s Steven Doughty, who has attacked all manner of far-right feminists for objecting to creepy men exploiting trans ideology yet has so far failed to defend Jessica with the same pride, passion, and naked opportunism with which he attacked evil hatemongers like The Daily Fail’s Janice Taylor.

Dr. Christian Jensen and Not-A-Dr. Adrian Harrods have also been noticeably silent on Waxgate, somewhat curious given their history of celebrating gender self-ID and grassing women up to their bosses for disagreeing with them on Twitter. Fingers crossed they were simply pre-occupied with other important work, such as doxxing women, defending sex with 12 year old girls, or examining swollen bellends in Magaluf. (Thank Allah we aren’t all irrationally averse to handling the naughty bits of half-naked horndogs.)

All of which begs several questions: Could it be that fighting fascism and saying ‘bollocks’ to Brexit has consumed the left so much they’ve taken their eyes off the unwaxed ball and temporarily neglected the trans-creep community?

Or could it be, as Tory trolls speculate, that they know fine well Jessica’s behaviour is unjustifiable, but to say so would both make a mockery of the ideology they’ve thrown their lot in with and increase their chances of getting twatted by a plumber in fishnets on Speakers’ Corner?

Or perhaps there’s an even darker explanation. Because I can’t be the only principled leftists to note similarities with the recent treatment of  Carl ‘Nasty Nick’ Beecham, the freedom fighting fantasist who wowed the left with his tales of VIP sex rings and drug-addled snuff parties. And needless to say, now that it’s finally been conclusively proven that Carl’s claims were utter horse-shit his celebrity cheerleaders are nowhere to be seen.

Of course, to anyone who spent five minutes researching his disturbing and highly implausible allegations it’s been pretty obvious for years that Carl had as much credibility as that bloke who hangs around Haymarket Bus Station telling old ladies he works for the CIA, chasing crisp packets, and arguing with pigeons. Indeed, the crooked BBC even aired an episode of Dramarama in 2015 which exposed Carl’s story  – promoted by pioneering conspiracy blog Exaro Media – as unfounded nonsense. Luckily, Carl’s famous champions either didn’t see it or pretended they hadn’t, allowing the myth to flourish in it’s natural habitat: the internet.

Indeed, left-wing dupes on Twitter still talk in hushed tones about Satanic sex-cults involving murderous MPs, blissfully unaware that neither exist. Even Carl’s conviction and 18-year sentence hasn’t deterred them, with conspiracy loons worldwide insisting the hapless nurse was ‘set up’ by sinister establishment forces who destroyed vital evidence and forced him to flee to Scandinavialand after child porn and toilet-spying technology were planted on his laptop.

All of which successfully destroyed Carl’s veneer of credibility, previously maintained by the high-profile cheerleaders bowled over by his tales of devil worshipping Tory nonces. So bowled over that they continued to believe him long after it became clear to anyone who’d looked into it that Carl was a deranged lunatic who couldn’t lie straight in bed.

These included Tom Watkins, who publicly repeated Carl’s claims about dead Tory Len Brittan, stating repeatedly that he fully believed the entirely convincing story told to him in person by the wild-haired, socially awkward weirdo . The fact that there was zero actual evidence was irrelevant, and Tom should be applauded for being an early champion of #BelieveVictims, the international craze that would erupt in glorious technicolour two years later to ruin careers, destroy families, and tarnish the reputations of innocent men worldwide. Go Tom!

Other politicians included former Labour MP Simon Dhansak, whose work exposing the sexual exploitation of young women by politicians was unfairly cut short after he was suspended from his party for sending saucy texts to a 17-year-old girl. And let’s not forget Gorgeous ‘George’ Galloway, who interviewed Exaro Media‘s no-nonsense editor Mark Watson on Russia Tonight, concluding that the sheer volume of imaginary Tories who’d spent decades abusing delusional loners was as good an argument as any for overthrowing the government and declaring war on Israel. (Patience, sweet terracotta warrior. It’s coming.)

Carl was also backed by James ‘How To Be Right’ O’Brian, who regularly hosted Mark Watson on his NBC show. Indeed, Watson’s thoroughly disturbing, entirely unsubstantiated reports of establishment kiddy-fiddling were like catnip to O’Brian, who has spent the last three years calling 17 million people he’s never met gullible idiots. And James carried on having Mark on the show long after most people had realised the VIP story was utter rubbish, such was his dedication to holding imaginary paedophiles accountable for crimes that never happened.

Sadly, by 2016 James had abruptly abandoned the story, presumably in response to the BBC documentary which confirmed what anyone free of political, ideological, or tinfoil hat bias already knew: it was all made up. Fortunately James refused to take the coward’s option of apologising and admitting he’d been duped, preferring to say nothing and ignore or block anyone who suggested he has a nerve accusing others of naivety considering he was taken in by a transparently mental paedophile.

Needless to say, neither James nor Tom have admitted any culpability in destroying Harley Proctor’s life and sending Brittan to an early grave. Instead they issued terse, uniform statements which failed to mention their own complicity. James even pledged to carry on Believing Victims, delighting his fans by effectively admitting he’s learnt absolutely nothing. Good. If Brittan thinks being a rich white man accused of noncery is bad he should try living in Boris’s Britain. These dead Tories who carked it before Brexit don’t know how lucky they are.

Still, as commendable as it was to see Carl’s former champions cover their own backs and refuse to say ‘sorry’ for indulging a dangerous nutter, what was sorely lacking was full-blooded support, the kind also denied to Jessica Yavin. Indeed, you’d expect James to come up with the goods on both issues, having last year blasted a transphobic menstruator – is there any other kind? – who suggested that young girls shouldn’t have to share changing rooms with hairy-arsed adult men, blissfully unware that these men’s arses are only hairy because a handful of toxic TERFs are too up themselves to wrangle the odd willy.

Sadly, those days are long gone and James’ support for Jessica was as non-existent as his anger at Carl Beecham’s imprisonment. And we all know why. Because the right have bullied decent liberals into silence, to the point where we know fine well if we say the wrong thing our careers are over.

Meanwhile they continue to steal the left’s best moves. As I’ve previously discussed, there is a terrifying new breed of right-wing social media fantasists, spreading smears and fabrications as if they were New Statesmxn columnists. Perhaps the most enduring is the fantasy that Tommy Yaxley Robinson is a crusading truth teller fighting for abused children, as opposed to a dim-witted hooly whose only talents appear to be lying, scrapping, and coming up with increasingly silly ways to get himself thrown in jail.

So this is 2019. A transwoman persecuted for standing up to bigotry, an NHS angel locked up for telling his story his way, and two marginalised victims with a shared interest in what children get up to in bathrooms thrown under the bus by the very people who elevated them to stardom. And all because the far-right are determined to punish people for expressing opinions they don’t like.

Perhaps the world ending in six months isn’t such a bad thing after all.


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