By Ben Pensant

Unless you’ve spent the last two months living under a rock, trapped in a basement or unfairly incarcerated for repeatedly breaching the conditions of an evil BBC journalist’s restraining order, you’ll have noticed that since the Harvey Weinstein scandal broke misandry has never been more in vogue. And for that matter, in Vogue. So in celebration of this exciting new development I’ve spent my enforced down time monitoring the principled feminist reaction to the barrage of sexual assault claims against all manner of rich, powerful Zionists. It made for inspirational reading but as ever, there’s always one so-called female who lets the side down. And no-one was more shocked than me that it was neither a TERF nor Katie Hopkirk but someone who really should know better. So before I laud the ladies who got their reactions absolutely right, in the first installment of a two-part analysis I focus on the Girl who got hers horribly wrong…

There are few things more depressing than good people going bad. I cried for days when Owen Jones betrayed the Dear Leader, still have nightmares about Luci Green’s transformation from deluded child into sensible young woman, and don’t even want to think about how many pain-wanks I’ve had since finding out Morrissey supports Brexit.

But as disturbing as the above all were – and I still suffer from flashbacks, panic attacks and awkward semi-ons every time I hear Hand In A Coma – nothing prepared me for the horror of finding out last week that a woman who has done more than most to promote left-wing authoritarianism had contrived to offend liberals worldwide. And in much the same way Morrissey’s music is now forever tarnished by his racist respect for democracy, I fear that thanks to Lena Durham’s latest indiscretion I may never again be able to watch her get her fadge out on the telly without throwing up.

Because despite being a leading voice in the exciting new era of post-Weinstein hysteria, it appears something sinister has happened to Lena, with rumours suggesting her disgraceful volte-face was caused by everything from CIA infiltration to Mossad Eisley mind-tricks. So after months of comments re-affirming her belief that ALL women who make sexual assault accusations should be believed, Lena took the jaw-dropping step of defending fellow Bad Girls writer Murray Mint after he was accused of rape by some actress, in the process throwing her principles under the bus in the name of protecting the hateful concept of ‘innocent until proven guilty’.

I can only assume Lena temporarily forgot about the earth-shattering revelation that a fat Hollywood billionaire with a long history of bullying and intimidation is also something of a sex-pest. Perhaps she’s suddenly oblivious to the fact that we live in a world where men lurk in stationery cupboards rubbing their willies on the knees of female journalists. Maybe she has erased all knowledge of her own abuse at the hands of her older brother who famously amused himself as a toddler by shoving pebbles up her arse. We may never know but dear god, there must be some reason why now of all times the previously unimpeachable Ms Durham has decided to eschew social justice in favour of the white supremacist tool known as due process.

For the uninitiated, this outdated ‘principle’ has been allowing innocent men to have fair trials for centuries and is widely viewed as an ugly anachronism best consigned to the dustbin of history with slavery, capitalism and freedom of speech. Why would any self-respecting progressive let the law determine a man’s guilt or innocence when social media does a far superior job?

That someone previously regarded as an ally could arrogantly assume she knows a colleague better than the Twitter pitchfork-wielders who had never heard of him ’til last week is sickening. And to not only believe her white male friend is innocent until proven guilty but to publicly announce it is jaw-dropping. I tell you what, Lena, if you really want to piss off your fans why not just put a Trump mask on and livestream yourself masturbating over a photo of Milo Papadopoulos? It couldn’t be any less violent than disseminating the offensive idea that a man might not be a rapist.

Luckily social media wasn’t about to let her get away with such hateful rhetoric and responded immediately, pointing to the following tweet Lena posted in August: “Things women don’t lie about: rape”. This common-sense position was of course contradicted wholesale by her insinuation that the actress accusing Mellor of rape is lying. The outrage that greeted her betrayal illustrates beautifully how the values of the modern left are so robust that to believe a friend is innocent is regarded as far worse than assuming he’s guilty because he has a cock and balls.

So Lena has no-one to blame but herself for the vitriol she incited, which culminated in writer Zuzu Clemmons resigning from Dunham’s Lenny Letter, horrified that a fellow woman could entertain the laughable notion that a man accused of rape might not be guilty. Understandably, Clemmons’ resignation came via a sincere, heartfelt and boldly opportunistic press release which also threw in accusations of ‘ironic racism’: the very worst kind.

Clemmons spoke movingly about her time at Oberon college, a dark period in which Lena lead a clique of funny, creative, mildly retarded socialites fond of making racist jokes. It made for grim reading and it’s a measure of how traumatic those days must have been for Clemmons that she bravely soldiered on and didn’t let the painful experience stop her taking a job with Durham and working with her for two years.

Needless to say, Clemmons’ missive garnered social media adulation worldwide. Indeed, it was exactly the kind of social justice pile-on Lena would have supported with gusto it were someone other than her being witch-hunted. Sadly, the old Lena is long gone. Sure, she showed her face a day later when a piss-weak apology was put out but it was all too late, her  reputation already down the toilet. And with it all the good work the old Lena has been doing for years: branding women who voted for Trump as ‘traitors’, calling for gendered language to be banned, speaking out against the scourge of campus canteens serving sushi, and trying to get two air stewardesses fired for having a private conversation about transgender children within earshot of Lady Shite.

Which is frankly tragic. Luckily the vast majority of modern liberals are as principled as Lena is treacherous, as proven by the blanket condemnation she received. That progressive females worldwide can look at the following statements – “women never lie about rape” and “okay, sometimes they do” – and conclude that the second one is the most ridiculous tells you all you need to know about the ethics of contemporary feminism.

Of course, there’s every chance she may be shown mercy. As illustrated by the ecstatic response to stationary chain Paperweight’s arse falling out after a handful of middle-class cry-babies objected to them doing a promotion with the Daily Fail, grovelling, saying ‘sorry’ and swallowing your self-respect is a sure-fire way to earn the left’s unconditional love.

But Lena’s crime may be harder to forgive than most, especially as this whole sorry saga could have been avoided if she’d remembered that a man’s guilt or innocence depends not just on his political persuasion but that of his accuser too. A rule brilliantly adhered to by the American progressives who rushed to social media to defend comedian-turned-Democrat senator Al Frankenstein after he was accused of sexual assault by several women (including former model LeeAnn Tweedy) the most principled of which was this nail-on-head comment from feminist writer Vivien Copland:

“The jury’s still out on Tweeden and Franken” she began, cleverly mirroring standard misogynist tropes by suggesting Al’s accuser is as much on trial as him, before confirming that, actually, the jury is anything but out. “Here are some picture from her FB and IG pages” Copland purred, letting the vile images speak for themselves: Tweedy at a shooting range, Tweedy on the cover of Playboy, Tweedy posing with two Donald Trump badges covering her nips.

“Hardly the bespectacled frump she portrayed on TV. She’s a Playboy Playmate, a gun fanatic, and a Trump supporter. You decide”. As if we hadn’t already, Viv. The message was crystal clear: Believe women. ALL women. Unless they voted for Trump, own a rifle, or take their clothes off for a living. Such a simple rule of thumb yet one that sadly evaded Lena when she needed it most.

All of which means the Queen of Brooklyn will have to work extra hard to regain her seat at the SJW top table. Right-wing trolls say leftists live in an echo chamber and only listen to people who agree with us but the ease with which we’ll happily victimise and cast out our own proves that is utter hogwash. If Lena is serious about getting back in the regressive good books the only option is to double-down and become even more of a spoilt censorious authoritarian than she was before. No mean feat but eminently possible if her spineless apology is anything to go by.

However, we shouldn’t lose heart. Lena may have gone off the reservation but thankfully there are still plenty of metropolitan feminists willing to risk their lives in the name of telling women what to think and who to believe. And a pleasant surprise has been the reaction of male comrades who despite being inherently evil (especially the white ones) have spent the last two months loudly apologising for the crimes of other people: a process of self-abasement which involves saying three Hail Hillarys, promising to Do Better and vowing to show solidarity with the oppressed by sitting down every time you go for a piss.

That these tend to be the same men who would report someone for hate crime if they so much as hinted that more moderate Muslims should denounce terrorism shows the kind of moral fibre we’re dealing with. Because Muslims – like blacks, gays, transwomen and anyone else who isn’t a cis-gendered piece of white, privileged shit – can’t be expected to take responsibility for stuff they didn’t do. You can’t hold them to the same ridiculous standards as the Evil West: they’re too marginalised, too full of anger, too liable to flip and join a terrorist organisation who rape children and throw homosexuals off tower blocks.

And despite making up 50% of the population, in the eyes of radicals women have now acquired minority status, earning a permanent place at the business end of the Victimhood League Table. Hence the emergence of the Male Ally, prostrating himself on Twitter, screaming ‘I’m guilty!’ to anyone who’ll listen and praying that some day one of the blue-haired goddesses he’s desperate to impress will let him sleep with her if promises to read Pam Greer’s back catalogue and report himself to the police for assault the second he’s finished wiping his bell-end on the duvet.

But let’s not forget who this is really about: women. And not just the ones who’ve been assaulted. Because let’s be honest, victims of sex-crime are far less important than the media starlets fighting their corner, many of whom are so traumatised by maleness they think a man shaking their hand is an act of sexual violence on par with getting slapped on the fanny.

And while Lena may have committed the heinous crime of briefly behaving like an adult who understands the difference between facts and allegations, in part two of my celebration of everything great about modern feminism I will focus on the brave ladies for whom hearing an innocent man apologise is simply not enough.

Be afraid, fellas. Be very afraid.