By Ben Pensant
Fighting fascism isn’t for everyone. The hours are shitty, the pay is non-existent, and few of us possess the mental strength to spend every waking hour staring at a phone, calling strangers Nazis, and utterly destroying the Tories by re-tweeting edgy memes of Theresa May scratching her arse. And with Sunday’s fresh set of right-wing press smears followed by the Jewish Lickspittle Movement’s vote of no confidence in Lord Jezza, it’s understandable that people are daunted by the huge task of convincing the world that Labour top brass intervening to keep holocaust deniers and 9/11 truthers in their progressive party is, like, totally normal and hey what about all that Tory Islamophobia you melty gammon?
Luckily, brave Corbynites like Ash Starkers resolutely do have the stomach for it. And this week she effortlessly cut through the chatter to focus on the ‘antisemitic connotations’ of a tweet sent by a racist fireman which contained a phrase that Stalinists used to use. Where Ash stands on the antisemitic connotations of calling Jews ‘bacteria’, blaming them for natural disasters and, y’know, murdering them, is unclear. But as the man she wants to be Prime Minister considers people who’ve done all three as ‘brothers’ who are ‘dedicated to peace and social justice’ it’s a knocking bet we’ll never find out.
Still, while few of us are as skilled in ideological combat as Ash, we fight on regardless, no matter how negatively it affects our ability to function in the real world. Indeed, only last week a trip to Woolco to buy some superglue ended in tears after the cashier asked if I would like a bag. Consumed with defeating fascism, I mistook her question for a far-right dog-whistle, assumed the word ‘bag’ was code for ‘hood’, screamed ‘you white nationalist whore!’ and launched myself over the till. It was only her colleague’s cry of ‘for god’s sake she’s Indian!’ that stopped me strangling the bitch there and then. (I gather she’s recovered from the misunderstanding and won’t be pressing charges as she wants to remain fully focussed on passing her GCSEs. Good luck, pet!)
This is what the daily barrage of right-wing fanatacism does to those of us on the frontline. But it’s a small price to pay to expose the most virulent racists on earth. And the shame of being pinned down on the floor of a cut-price homeware store by two ageing security guards after a frenzied, unprovoked attack on a 15-year-old girl is easily cancelled out by the satisfaction of hooking a big fascist fish. And they don’t come much bigger, more fascist, or as downright fishy as that pretty blonde clever-clogs who does the adding-up on C*untdown.
Indeed, without the hugely popular campaign to shun, cancel, and harass Rachel O’Riley, it’s likely the sly Tory brain-box would have decapitated Jeremy Corbyn and flushed his head down Robert Murdoch’s golden shitter by now. It’s no surprise that The Scumday Times hatchet job came mere days after Murdoch and his sinister Zionist lobby were left red-faced and rattled by the #BoycottThatSlagOffC4 hashtag, which put Tory HQ on red alert, sending shock waves all the way from Twitter to Facebook.
That they then had the nerve to smear Corbyn again – a mere week after the warning shot fired at one of their top-ranking poster girls – just shows this enemy can’t be reasoned with. It won’t be long before we decide ‘enough’s enough’ and simply boycott Jews altogether. So well done righties, you’ve just all but lost John Lansman his job and ensured a brick through his window every week for the rest of his life. I hope it was worth it.
Still, while Murdoch’s evil empire clearly remains a determined opponent, O’Riley shows no such stamina. Indeed, this particular Jewish Nazi – the very worst kind – has all but vanished from the battlefield in a puff of victimhood, all thanks to the brave Corbynite foot-soldiers who put in the hard yards sitting on the crapper telling a TV presenter her programmes are rubbish and she smells of wee.
Of course to most people it’s not entirely clear what Rachel did to offend Corbyn supporters, apart from repeatedly smearing Lord Jezza and being a sneaky Zionist. At a glance the fresh-faced fascist’s online persona – the only persona that matters – appears no more problematic than any other politically engaged celebrity with a huge following and an ego the size of Australia. But look beyond the shiny surface and it becomes clear this happy-go-lucky, swotty demeanour is one big far-right facade. Indeed, anyone with a basic grasp of history knows nothing screams ‘National Socialism’ louder than golden locks and a flair for mental arithmetic.
Needless to say, after the hashtag took off O’Riley did what anti-Corbyn zealots always do when faced with abuse and death threats: she played the victim, despite the fact that her all-important ‘brand’ suffered zero ill consequence as no self-respecting Jezza loyalist would watch her terrible TV shows anyway. 8 Out of 10 Cats Do Dallas has been off the far-left menu for some time, partly because it features comedians who occasionally mock the Dear Leader, but mainly due to the presence of arse-faced tax-evader Jimmy Khan. And we wouldn’t be seen dead watching Countydown while Amtrak kingpin Alan Shitter’s henchman Nick Heworth holds court, perving over female contestants and slipping coded Zionist propaganda into every other sentence. (Ever notice how often words like ‘hummus’ and ‘falafel’ crop up and just happen to get more points than ‘halal’ or ‘jihad’? Hmm.)
Luckily, those of us who’ve read books and stuff are more interested in the abstract, metaphysical concept of boycotting someone, enabling us to add a personal dimension to our principled protest. Which is why from now on I will never again masturbate about doinking Rachel from behind while wearing a Georgie Galloway mask, throwing a crumpled fiver at her, wiping my cock on the curtains, then sodding off to a Momentum meeting without so much as a ‘see ya later, sweetcheeks’. Let’s see how the mouthy little narcissist likes that.
Predictably, O’Riley’s response to her bullying and harassment being called out was to start crying and make out she was the one being bullied and harassed. Sorry love, but the war against fascism is waged on a huge global stage. It takes some chutzpah to arrogantly assume this doesn’t include the world of daytime telly. Tell you what, next time Noel Edmunds starts singing about throwing Jews down wells on Crackerjack we’ll just look the other way and let him get in with it. Deal? Oh hang on, it’s only far-right Scottish metallers who are allowed to do that, isn’t it? Multicoloured mystics with fannies for chins don’t get a look-in, do they? Wrong kind of Nazi. Silly me.
The entitlement is breathtaking. But what truly grates is that if O’Riley could have been one of us if she’d just opened her mind and pulled her knickers up for five minutes. An ally instead of a nemesis. Because like most sensible centrists, Rachel has a habit of responding to smears and pile-ons by spreading smears and encouraging pile-ons. And like all the kindest, most gentle Corbynites she doesn’t even realise she’s doing it.
Indeed, two weeks ago O’Riley started a hugely popular Twitter thread with the sole purpose of repeatedly accusing a lady she didn’t know of bigotry for criticising Islam. She then responded to requests to explain how this vile right-winger was racist by flatly ignoring them, a classic manoeuvre beloved of every Jezzabel in the land. Oh, Rachel. We would’ve been so good together.
She’s also been promoting the shit out of Stop Funding Fake News, the truth-seeking campaign to target websites which publish false or misleading stories by pestering companies who advertise on them. Their commitment to exposing media lies is so strong that the first page of their website features a claim about fake news causing mental illness which is both a textbook example of fake news and a blatant misrepresentation of the study it links to. Now that’s dedication!
Also, much like their fellow bottom inspectors Stop Funding Hate, SFFN have no qualms about publicly shaming charities for trying to reach as many people as possible, like they did last week when they successfully bullied McMillan Cancer Support into withdrawing all ads from one of these vile websites. Result!
But there’s a problem. Because as awesome as this sounds, the site in question wasn’t Westmunster or Greedo Fawkes. It was The Canairy. Yep, that’s right, not only have dishonest hacks appropriated the noble aim of SFH – to stop right-wing rags expressing views leftists don’t like using a principled combination of corporate blackmail and political censorship – they’ve flipped it on its head to target Labour-friendly outlets. And Rachel has been cheerleading them every step of the way, joining a whole host of centrist bloggers in defending the aforementioned mental health claim on Twitter before abandoning thread when someone points out it’s blatantly untrue.
But this is what we’ve come to expect from the new breed of fake leftists who aren’t keen on dictators, terrorists, and antisemites and would rather not have a leader with a massive hard-on for all three. They’re arguably worse than Tories. Indeed, one only has to look at O’Riley’s two fellow celebrity smear merchants to see both how low these Blairites go and how snugly they could have fit in to the pro-Corbyn movement if they’d just kept their gobs shut and left the agitprop to those of us with brains, penises, and duffel coats.
Much like Rachel, former Coronation Street star and convicted murderer Tracey Ann Doberman is just as happy exposing antisemites as people who aren’t antisemites, such as the chap on Facebook who she publicly scolded for having the temerity to say he didn’t believe holocaust denial should be a criminal offence, even getting his name wrong when shaming him online to increase the chances of some other poor sod with the same moniker getting it in the neck.
Tracey is ably backed up by fellow Corbyn-hater Frances Barbara, best known for ’70s rom-com Rita and Sue Get Laid, who recently made a fool of herself by claiming she remembered a bald, black scouse lady from her Liverpool activist days, little realising the bald black scouse lady was neither bald, black, scouse, nor a lady and was in fact a fake Twitter account set up by some weirdo who gets a kick out of stealing photos of Nigerian women and saying the N-word on the internet. Oh, Frances.
Still, they made their beds, the filthy sheets of which are doubtless stained with Cherry Blair’s crusty fanny batter. Which is why they now find themselves on the same boycott-list as Lady Rachel. To paraphrase Matthew Modine in Boloxi Blues, I now have three enemies: Israel, Revolting O’Riley, and those British soldiers who attacked that photo of St Jezza with paintballs. Which actually makes 6 or 7 enemies so let’s round it up by adding Tracey, Frances, Luciana Burger, and the entire staff of FakeNews International. Including the Romanian woman who cleans the toilets.
See what you’ve done, blondie? I hope you’re pleased with yourself.