By Ben Pensant.
The greatest weapon in the left’s arsenal is the ability to hold two conflicting opinions at once. It’s a skill dopey right-wingers call ‘cognitive dissonance’, a fascist concept invented by Hitler and weaponised by trolls to smear the type of people who abhor misogyny, homophobia and antisemitism but defend the planet’s most misogynist, homophobic and antisemitic religion.
So we can condemn western governments for oppressing and murdering their own people while simultaneously lauding communist regimes that oppress and murder their own people.
We can rage against toxic masculinity while demanding men are allowed to compete in women’s sports, enter women’s changing rooms, and be locked up in women’s prisons because they like wearing Betty Boop knickers.
And, as the recent Brexit Betrayal counter-protest illustrated, we can believe evil Tommy Robertson and his army of street thugs are the most dangerous force in British society while mocking him because only ten people turned up to his shitty march.
As usual, attendance figures varied depending on whose side you were on, with alt-right lunatics claiming the counter protest was dwarfed by 15,000 bigots in Union Jack underpants, while sensible observers correctly stated that, actually, the brave liberals turned out in their droves while the bigots totalled only a handful of skinheads, the Ryanair racist and Nick Griffin’s cat.
Of course, this contradicts the left’s claim that the far-right are ‘on the rise’. Indeed, Owen Jones took to Twitter to gloat about the poor turnout despite the fact he’s spent all year telling everyone what a huge threat Tommy is. Presumably the bulk of TR’s million-strong army of fascists were at home shopping for Nazi memorabilia and polishing their helmets.
Still, that didn’t stop OJ and chums informing the world that they’d spent all day ‘fighting fascism’, as if they were dust-covered Katie Adies dodging missiles in a warzone as opposed to a bunch of berks wandering around London drinking nut-milk coffee. It was hard to read their frontline despatches without being blown away by the brave act of walking along a street in broad daylight. In fact, coming so soon after that posh bloke stuck it to the xenophobes by standing on a box shouting ‘bollocks to Brexit!’, I now know how people felt in 1973 when they saw that picture of the Chinese monk setting himself on fire.
Of course, that a lot of people were there to protest the government’s handling of Brexit rather than to support Robertson was irrelevant. Which is why Jones et al ignored it, temporarily suspending their hatred of centrists and neoliberalism to show solidarity with neoliberal centrists.
Because this march was ALL about Robertson. And one thing he and the left-wing media share is a belief that everything is about Tommy Robertson. And luckily, being annoyed that Brexit isn’t happening is exactly the same as being an attention-seeking bullshitter with a crap crew cut and more aliases than Keyser Spacey.
But this latest humiliation was the final nail in TR’s coffin, a downfall which began last month when footage emerged of Serbian schoolboy Jamal being assaulted by a racist bully. Bingo! Because nothing excites the modern left more than an immigrant getting chinned.
The subsequent reaction was beautiful. While most of the social media left were telling everyone how horrific the video is while gleefully re-tweeting it and sending his family death threats, Waitrose Britain’s favourite shock-jock James O’Brian weighed in with an offbeat take: he blamed Nigel Farage and the right-wing press.
“The tone of refugee coverage in most corners of the media made this inevitable. Inexcusable but inevitable. This little scrote will be made an example of but all the politicians and pundits who incited him won’t suffer a single consequence” he lamented, utilising his mind-reading powers to give a unique insight into someone he’s never met. But this is what we’ve come to expect from classy James: he exploited the death of a Polish immigrant to score a point against Brexit, you imagine he’s gonna think twice about doing the same to a bullied child? Please.
Hopefully his telepathy will work better than it did after the killing of Arkadiusz Joswik. But either way it won’t matter to James and his super-fans. As he put it to Howard Donaldson recently, the problem with The People is their “refusal to distinguish truth from false”. Something James knows all about having refused to distinguish truth from serial fantasist Carl Beech’s false claims that he was abused by a satan-worshipping Westminster paedophile ring.
Equally surprising was the response from comedy legend David Schreider, who took the original step of tweeting that notorious montage of racist headlines from The Scum and The Daily Fail, earning himself a free trolley dash around Holland & Barrett by becoming the millionth privately educated liberal to present it as evidence of those newspapers’ vile bigotry despite never having read them.
And he didn’t stop there, disseminating pictures of Nigel Farrage and his infamous ‘Breaking Point’ poster with a devastating caption: “The video of the refugee being bullied is shocking. If only there were some way of knowing who radicalised the bullies”.
Luckily, there IS some way of knowing what newspapers teenage bullies read and who their favourite politicians are: you just have to ask David ‘Will Graham’ Scheider. And thank god he’s here to highlight the dangerous hold middle-aged men in suits have over schoolboys who would struggle to pick them out of a line-up.
And in case anyone is worried this logic could be used to smear certain other problematic texts, fear not: intellectuals like David wouldn’t dream of applying the same logic to left-wing media.
So they won’t hold The Guardian responsible for the next jihadist attack because of all the pieces the paper have published supporting Islamic extremism.
When Antifa decide to violently shut down another college talk or attack innocent people with bike locks they won’t blame the BBC or CNN for all the gushing coverage they’ve given to the black masked warriors.
Should another Remainer be provoked into murdering his Leave-voting neighbour the last thing they’ll do is tell the editor of The New European he has blood on his hands for calling 17 million people ‘idiots’ and printing wacky cartoons about punching Brexiters.
And as commentators try to explain the motivations of the Strasbourg shooter there’ll be zero chance of David tweeting an extract from the Kerrang and smugly pondering who could have radicalised the marginalised madman. Because a religion observed by nearly two billion people, that theocratically rules over 40-odd countries and instructs its followers to kill or punish gays, Jews, women, ex-Muslims and non-Muslims is far less likely to influence the behaviour of its followers than a handful of hate-sheets that barely sell a few million copies a day.
But this doesn’t change the fact that Jermaine’s bully was brainwashed by all of them. That’s incontestable, despite the complete lack of evidence backing it up. Which shows how far the left have come. See, in the olden days, when leftists accused someone of being complicit in violence they would do two things:
1. Provide clear proof that the people in question were inciting violence as opposed to simply expressing right-wing opinions that frighten New Statesman subscribers.
2. Categorically confirm that the violence happened as a direct result of the perpetrator reading these right-wing opinions, as opposed to doing so because he’s a bigoted bully whose parents were EDL supporters with a penchant for abusing brown people in takeaways.
Luckily those dark days are over, the left now happy to accuse people of everything from racism to rape without a speck of evidence. And the fact that the bully leapfrogged the right-wing press altogether and went straight to ‘far-right hooly wankers’ was ignored by the principled voices claiming the tabloids had turned him into a fascist.
Because anyone can see his parents were incited into supporting Robertson by the rhetoric of The Scum et al in the first place, even though those papers regular attack the Luton loudmouth and his grubby street movement. Indeed, despite being malleable dupes ready to be moulded into racists at the drop of a Rob Liddle column, the bully and his parents somehow managed to avoid being brainwashed into thinking TR is a ‘thug’, a ‘menace’, or any other affectionate term the Tory press call him. Phew!
All of which brilliantly set up Robertson to sow the seeds of his own destruction. Clearly rattled by the outpouring of sympathy for a filthy forrin, TR followed O’Brian and Scheider’s lead and blamed someone else: the boy himself. In the most flagrant example of victim-blaming since The Guardian‘s Gaby Hinchcliffe suggested German women touched up on New Years Eve in 2015 provoked their own assaults by flaunting their sexual freedom and expensive smartphones, Robertson claimed the bully was acting in retaliation after little Jamelia attacked a schoolgirl.
Unsurprisingly, TR’s story turned out to be false. But even if it was true, how would we know the girl was blameless? Those women in Dusseldorf willingly rubbed their wealth and promiscuity in the noses of sexually frustrated penniless migrants, so what’s to stop some snooty teenage madam inciting a vulnerable young boy by wearing designer rollerskates and doing non-handers on her shiny BMX? And these privileged white harridans wonder why they get raped in kebab shops.
This is the difference between good victim-blaming and bad victim blaming. And Robertson’s brand is categorically the latter. Luckily, the final phase of his downfall had already begun. Because few things make the modern left wetter than legal action and Islamic extremism; combine the two and you get the joyous lawsuit against TR from Muhammud T Akunjee, the ambulance-chasing lawyer with links to CAGE, Al-Muharijoun and Salafi Media UK, those popular Islamist groups fond of defending terrorists, screaming ‘death to America!’, and producing videos of marginalised Muslims defending terrorists and screaming ‘death to America!’.
Naturally Owen Jones took to social media urging people to circulate Akunjee’s legal letter to Robertson. Because nothing screams ‘I hate lying extremists’ like retweeting a lying extremist. And OJ got his wish as Mr T’S action received the thumbs-up from thousands of educated liberals, none of whom had bothered to spend five minutes researching the courageous crusader. Which is handy as they may have found out the odd inconvenient truth, like the fact that on the day of the Charlie Hebdon massacre he wrote on Facebook: “Please don’t REPEATEDLY poke a sleeping bear then cry when it bites your head off”.
This quaint proverb could mean any number of things, but try telling that to the right-wing trolls who accused Akunjee of blaming the cartoonists for their own murders. They even pointed to the light-hearted cartoon he posted that day showing the CH editor blowing himself up with a suicide vest made of rolled up copies of his racist mag, as if it magically proved Akunjee believed they had it coming. Sickening.
Thankfully, Mr T needn’t worry about bad press when useful geniuses like Owen have his back, allowing him to focus on his passion project: fighting extremism with extremism. Indeed, Akunjee also represented the parents of the three Muslim schoolgirls who fled the UK to join ISIS in 2015, one of whom had a penchant for burning American flags, taking his daughter to Islamist rallies, and cuddling cute teddy bears.
Naturally, Mr T ignored this when demanding the government apologise to the family for not spying on their daughters enough, which clearly played a much bigger part in radicalising the girls than one of them being brought up by an extremist. This was of course at odds with CAGE’s condemnation of the government for spying too much on Jihadi Jim, the marginalised Muslim who got so fed up with security services pestering him he ran off to Syria to rape children and cut people’s heads off.
All in all, little Jumanji couldn’t wish for a better ally. And I’m sure his family are delighted his plight has been championed by someone with a history of defending the same kind of people they came to Britain to escape from.
All of which paints a picture of someone every liberal should be supporting to show foul Tommy Robertson his days are numbered. Word on the street is he’s gone into hiding, the message that his vile Islamophobia will NOT be tolerated finally getting through his thick gammony skull. Fingers crossed we’ve also seen the back of his obsessive fans who worship him like a god and refuse to accept any criticism of their idol.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got work to do. These ‘Jez We Can’ Winterval mittens won’t knit themselves!